Logjams and Dynamite

This is a photo of Lincoln City, Oregon on a foggy day and those things on the beach are huge logs that have washed down from the Cascades and Coast Range to the beach.
If you have read the blog before you know I am obsessed with the Pacific Northwest. It is my hearts home and if not for my family I would still be there.I plan to go back and visit and encourage you to do so.It is where I feel closest to god and his majesty.

Those logs on the beach got me to thinking about logjams. In the mountains during the rainy season you will often have landslides and those trees will cause logjams in the mountain streams that sometime flush their self out with flooding rain but sometimes take heavy equipment or dynamite to resolve.

I often see logjams in my life like doubt,anger, fear and I often think these logjams are the barrier between me and my faith in God. Logjams happen when the flow of water gets blocked causing a dam like effect and it seems the same with emotions sometime.
Prayer I think is the dynamite that breaks it free and also  hard work.

I think I have had  such a  hard time with my faith these past 7 years because I didn't have an earthly father who loved me and so it seems that I find it hard to believe a heavenly father would . My earthly father was a victim of abuse and abandonment at an early age and he continued the legacy with me. My whole life he called me ugly, told me no one would marry me and made fun of me. The day I was baptized he made fun of me refused to come to church and wouldn't let my mother come either. I think this has been a major logjam in my life. I didn't share this to make anyone pity me only to share where I have been.It is only now as I near 50 that I feel that I have value and worth.

I also think these logjams can keep you from fulfilling the plan that God has for you because they keep you from believing that you can do things for God.I know I need to listen to that still small voice inside that leads me where I need to go instead of the voice in my head that plays on rewind that I have no worth or value. I need to take that record outside and break it.
I hope that with prayer and help from other people on the path with me to find the dynamite  or bulldozer to break the dam of despair and bring forth a river that is flowing and creating a new life . I know that bulldozer needs to excavate my heart and take away all the blockages that are there from years of abuse.
In the 90's I had a print of Jesus hugging the lost sheep sometimes I close my eyes and imagine him hugging me like his long lost child and welcoming me back home.


 

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland Isaiah 43:19

“Some people live in cages with bars built from their own fears and doubts. Some people live in cages with bars built from other people's fears and doubts; their parents, their friends, their brothers and sisters, their families. Some people live in cages with bars built from the choices others made for them, the circumstances other people imposed upon them. And some people break free.”
― C. JoyBell C.